In My Time Of Living
by Princess Misery
Summary: HIATUS. Chapter 6 is up!Set before&during S2. Someone very close to Dean helped John summon the demon that took his life. find out what happens when Dean and Sam find out their friend helped their father die and what complications and twists happen along the wa.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **In My Time Of Dying. **(soon to be re-titled) **

**Author: S J Pearce**

**Disclaimer: **Anyone's name that you recognise I don't own. Any names you don't recognize are mine! Please don't sue I don't have much anyway.

**Spoilers:** Set during and after In My Time of Dying. Basically re-written the episode with a female interest for Dean.

**What you need to know: **

**1.**all the flirting and what not that has happened between Dean and Jo happened between Jo and Sam.

2. I live in England, therefore I am behind on Episode's the last one I saw was Plaything.

3. not entirely sure where I am taking this, it may only be a few chapters long, any ideas are welcome.

* * *

**Chapter 1 – In My Time Of Dying. **

Sam sat at his brothers beside, listening to the machines constant beep, starring at the tubes coming out of his older sibling, the only thing keeping him alive. Dean had been like this for 3 days now and his situation hadn't changed. Sam knew he couldn't deny it any longer; Dean might die, and if that was going to happen he had to make a phone call, he couldn't put it off anymore.

Sam took his brothers cell phone from his own pocket and found the list of names, pressing call on Erin, he took a deep breath and put the phone to his ear, this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

Dean had made Sam promise that if anything were to happen to him he'd make the call to Erin, that she'd be the first person he would call, so dean and Erin could say goodbye, Dean owed her that much. Sam had promised after all, although it was something he never thought he would have to do.

The phone rang twice before Erin answered "Hello"

"Erin, its Sam"

"Oh god Sam thank god" she sighed "where are you?" she asked before giving Sam chance to respond

"In the hospital, in Jefferson City, Erin listen…" Sam began

Erin interrupted "I know Sam, I'm in the next town over, give me an hour I'll be there. Bye" Erin hung up the phone without giving Sam chance to reply.

What the hell was Erin doing in the next town over from Jefferson City? She lived in Chicago, but she was on her way already, maybe it was a good thing, she could say goodbye to Dean.

* * *

Sam and John stood arguing about the demon, the colt and Dean's survival, Sam knew there was something supernatural that could be done to save Dean and Sam knew John would be able to tell him what it was.

"Hey" Erin said loudly to stop them fighting. She had been there a while waiting for them to stop fighting.

Sam turned to see the beautiful girl he remember, straight blonde hair to her shoulders, crystal blue eyes, if only a little taller and a little more toned.

"Erin, hey" Sam said walking around John's bed and to Erin hugging her.

"Hey Sammy, good to see you two haven't changed" she smiled hugging Sam.

Erin hugged John "so what's the damage?" she finally asked seeing the worry in both their faces. Sam awkwardly smiled; it was better to show her then tell her, he nodded towards the door and then led the way to Dean's room.

* * *

Erin stood by Dean's bed, starring down at him, Sam and John stood over the furthest side of the room giving her some space, Sam saw the tears run down her cheeks after he had explained that there wasn't anything the doctors could do "it's just a matter of waiting…" Sam trailed off not wanting to say the words out loud, it would make it more real if he did.

"For him to die?" Erin finished his sentence

"Dean's a fighter" John spoke up "he'll fight, he wont give up"

"he already has" Erin sighed sitting in the chair beside Dean's bed and putting her hands to her face, she ran her hands over her face and through her hair, leaving her fingers entwined. "he called me, left a voicemail, said you'd tracked down the demon and you were going to kill it, wanted to get everything off his chest, didn't want to leave anything unsaid, just in case…I should have come as soon as I got the message but I hesitated I thought about it, I should have followed my instincts and come to help with the demon"

"You weren't to know" Sam told her

"We all know what that demon was capable of Sam, as soon as he said you were going after it I should have come"

"There's nothing you could have done" John assured her

Erin starred at Dean lying in the bed for a few minutes "there has to be something we can do John, something to bring him back, I can't sit here and watch him die."

"We're gonna need some things" John announced looking at Sam, Sam's eyes lit up, John knew a way to save Dean, he wasn't going to die "for protection" John finished, Sam sighed. John reeled off a list of things for Sam to get from Bobby and then told him to be quick.

"You wanna come Erin?" Sam asked

Erin stood up "yeah it would be nice to see Bobby, it's been a while"

"Actually Erin, could you stay here?" John asked "we need to talk"

Erin looked at Sam and shrugged "I'll tell Bobby you said hi" Sam told her before leaving the room.

* * *

Dean stood behind Erin looking down at her, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch her but he couldn't. "Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I gotta get better; I gotta get back in there, so I can hug her please. You haven't called a soul for help. Aren't you gonna do anything? Aren't you even gonna say anything?" John couldn't hear him, Dean knew that. "I've done everything you've ever asked me. Everything. I've given everything I've ever had! I gave up HER for you, now you're just gonna sit there and watch me die? I mean what the hell kinda father are you?" hearing something in the hall Dean followed the sound.

Erin starred at Dean for what seemed like forever, her mind began to wonder back to the days when they were together. After her father died (a close friend of John's and a hunter) by the hand of a bunch of vampires whilst hunting for the demon that killed her sister and mother, John and Dean took her with them hunting for the demon; it was the 3 of them for almost 4 years. Dean and Erin grew close quickly and before they knew it they were in love. It was hard having a relationship whilst hunting but they made it work between them, they were good together, even John thought so.

"Erin" John said loudly to get her attention

She smiled weakly looking at him "sorry, world of my own"

"Lets go get some coffee and talk" John said standing up, Erin followed him as he left the room.

* * *

John sat on his own hospital bed and took a deep breath, he was doing the right thing, he didn't need Erin to tell him he was he knew it was the only option, he just wasn't sure if she'd agree to helping him.

Erin sat on the chair beside John's bed and noticed the deep in thought look he had, he was going over his options, thinking of all the possibilities, she'd seen the look plenty of times before.

"the things I've sent Sam to get aren't for protection…" he let his words sink in before he continued "there for a summoning spell, to summon the demon, I think I can make a deal with it, the colt for Dean's life"

"No John, no it's a bad idea." Erin stood up and began to pace. He couldn't be serious could he? Making deals with the thing that had killed their loved ones? The demon could do anything to Dean and she wasn't going to let Dean be made so vulnerable. "You need two people for a summoning spell and I know for sure Sam wont help you and I wont either, we can find another way"

"Dean doesn't have time for us to find another way" John told her through gritted teeth

"HE'LL FIGHT LIKE YOU SAID HE WOULD… I'M NOT LETTING THAT DEMON HOLD SOMETHING OVER US, NO!"

"Erin, Dean's going to die" John's eyes glazed with tears. He didn't want to say it aloud, it made it more real, the rustle and bustle of the daily hospital work seemed to get quieter as the words left his lips, like the hospital knew the horror that lay ahead and they were giving Dean's life a moment of reflection, a moment of silence to think about the things he had done, the people he had saved "unless we act fast, Dean isn't going to last another 24 hours. Do you want him to die thinking you hate him for leaving you?"

"HE KNOWS I DON'T HATE HIM SO DON'T USE A GUILT TRIP AGAINST ME THAT ISN'T FAIR, WE CAN FIND ANOTHER WAY"

John fell silent letting the tears roll down his cheeks, she was right that wasn't fair of him to do that, but he had to do something to convince her to help him "do you know I made him leave you? I made him make a choice, his feelings for you where getting in the way of the job"

Erin's own tears ran freely down her face as she stood in the middle of the room starring at John "please don't"

"I told him he couldn't have you and the hunt he had to choose, I feed him some shit about revenge for his mother and helping Sam and he chose the hunt, I made him chose his family…I made him do a lot of things, things he didn't want to do but you're the only thing he never forgave me for!"

Erin passed the room again and looked out of the small window, she didn't know what to say, she didn't want Dean to die, but summoning the demon was risky and there was no guarantee that the demon would exchange the colt for Dean.

Erin watched Sam enter John's room and knew he wasn't happy, the anger was written all over his face. It didn't take long before Sam was shouting at his father, telling him he cared more about revenge then Dean and summoning the demon wouldn't help Dean at all. Erin knew there was no need to interrupt so stood and listened.

The glass of water on John's table was thrown to the floor splashing water and glass across the room. The three of them stared at it in amazement.

The amazement wore off as they heard alarms and doctors rushing around, Sam and Erin immediately rushed to Dean's room. Sam and Erin stood in the door way of Dean's room watching the doctors trying to get his heart beating again.

'_Please Dean don't die, please I'm begging I'll do anything. Just fight, fight it I know you can'_. Erin put her hand on Sam's arm and squeezed, this wasn't looking good at all. But Dean wasn't going to die; she was going to make sure of that. The doctors moved away from Dean as his heartbeat returned. Erin closed her eyes and silently thanked the lord, but she couldn't see that again, couldn't watch Dean fight for his life any longer.

Erin walked in to John's room, tears still streaming down her cheeks "Sam isn't stupid, he'll figure out what we're doing, we need a way to distract him"

John smiled "you mean…"

Erin interrupted him "I don't agree with it and I know the whole thing is gonna come back to bite us in the ass but I can't sit around and watch him die" John understood she was wary of the whole plan but it was the only option they had right now.

Sam entered the room, this whole thing was taking its toll on him, you could see it in his eyes and the way he walked, he was tired, worried, scared and wanted answers. "I think Dean was there" he began to mumble on about Dean being in the room but he couldn't quite see him, he could feel him. "Is that possible?"

"Sam the world we live in anything's possible" John assured his son

"then I think I have an idea to find out if I'm right" Sam announced before leaving the room, he had a lead, well a whim to helping his brother and he was going to do all he could to make it work. He had to; he wasn't going to lose Dean not after Jess and his Mother.

* * *

Erin hated hospitals, in her 26 years she had been inside of a hospital 3 times and all 3 times she had lost someone she loved but this time was going to be different, she was going to make sure of it.

Erin stood next to Dean's bed holding his hand, listening to the machine confirm he had a steady heartbeat. The tears ran freely down her cheeks, she didn't want to cry but she couldn't stop the tears, she had tried but she couldn't.

She took a deep breath and starred down at him "Sam thinks you're around, that you can hear us but we can't hear or see you, which means you're not in your body, you need to get your butt back in there Dean…" Dean stood on the other side of his bed his dying body between himself and Erin, seeing her crying hurt him, he hated to see her in pain and not being able to stop it "I cant…I won't… lose someone else I love…yeah you heard me right I love you, always have and always will!" she took a deep breath and let the tears fall some more "you and your brother and John your like invincible, no matter what happens you always bounce back ready to fight the next battle. Why should now be any different huh?" she took Dean's hand in hers and leant down and kissed it "I miss you, the nights we'd start talking and not realise how long we'd been talking until the sun rose. I miss riding in the back of the Impala, Iron Maiden blasting on the stereo watching you try to sing along. I miss us, I miss being together, fighting beside you. Well I'm fighting beside you right now but you gotta help me out… me and your dad think we can help you but you gotta hold on just a little longer, please"

* * *

Sam had spoke to Dean, ok it was using a Ouija board but still he had spoke to him, he knew what was going on now, there was a reaper after him and damn what the books say he'd find a way to stop it from taking Dean.

"Dad I…" Sam stopped mid sentence seeing his Father's room empty, no John and no Erin, he didn't have time to go looking for them he had to find a way to stop this reaper, he needed to start research. He found John's journal and walked back to Dean's room

* * *

Erin stood beside John as he pointed the colt at the demon in the body of the care taker. "Erin I've missed you" the demon told her "it's been a while"

"Not long enough" she spat at him

"now that hurts, we're practically family" the caretaker put a hand to his heart "all them years chasing each other, watching you and Dean fall in love, watching Dean and John leave you in Manhattan" he laughed. Erin had to suppress the urge to fly at the demon fist flying but she knew she didn't stand a chance against him. "So John" he sighed "I never figured you to be suicidal. Did you really think you could trap me?"

John lowered the colt "I don't want to trap you I want to make a deal"

* * *

"Dean…" Sam sighed looking down at his Dad's journal and then at Dean's lifeless body "…I couldn't find anything in the book, I don't know how to help you…but I'm not gonna give up I promise I'll keep trying, I'm not gonna lose you, I'm not gonna let that thing take you away like it did Jess and Mom"

Sam hated this; he had to help his brother. He wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to die he had to find some way of helping him. And where the hell where his father and Erin to help him? Dean needed help and they were no where to be seen.

"We're going to find a way Dean don't you worry. Just keep fighting, please. I need you to keep fighting"

* * *

"I'll give you the colt and the bullet but you have to help Dean. Do whatever it takes to bring him back and I'll give you the gun"

"John do you know about the other children? About their abilities?"

"Yeah, I've known for a while now"

"And you're willing to sacrifice them by giving me the gun to save your son?"

John got angry "can you help Dean or not?"

"I can't but I know someone who can"

"I'm gonna wanna make sure Dean's ok with my own two eyes before I give you the gun. Just to be sure"

"we don't have a deal yet" the caretaker told him, his eyes seeming to go even more yellow with the excitement "I want something else maybe even more than the gun" John starred at the demon waiting for his proposal, it didn't matter what it was he wanted Dean alive, he would do anything to make it happen. "I want you…the gun and your life for Dean's"

"NO JOHN" Erin shouted from behind him "NO, YOUR NOT DOING THIS, WE'LL FIND ANOTHER WAY"

"Erin" John tried to quieten her

"No John, I'm not watching Sam and Dean lose you" Erin stood in front of John starring in to his eyes.

"Well you can watch me and Sam lose Dean then, do you want that instead?"

"There has got to be something we can do where you both live, we don't need him" Erin told him pointing towards the possessed caretaker.

"My mind is made up" John spoke softly looking around Erin and at the caretaker.

She wasn't going to let him do this, she wouldn't "No John, you can't do this" John forcefully pushed Erin out of the way, knocking her to the floor. "Do what you want to me but I'm not gonna stand and watch you commit suicide"

"ENOUGH" the caretaker shouted. He walked over to Erin and stood over her, he ran his hand down her face, she stood up and left the basement. John and the caretaker watched Erin leave.

"What did you do to her?"

"calm down, she'll find a doctor and then pass out in front of them, don't worry this will all be over by the time she wakes up"

* * *

_Erin sat besides Dean's bed crying holding his hand, why was this happening? Why couldn't she help him? She couldn't lose Dean, not for good, him leaving her was different, it has hard to watch him leave but she knew she'd see him again, if he died she wouldn't be able to cope. _

_Dean squeezed her hand, she looked up at him his eyes were open "Dean, Dean, can you hear me" his grip got hard on her hand it felt like he was breaking her bones "Dean, your hurting me, ow, ow" she stood up trying to get her hand free. _

"_You killed him, are you happy now? You killed my father!" Dean said angrily, his eyes glowed yellow _

_Erin_ _began to cry "I'm sorry Dean, god I'm so sorry" _

"_LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!" Erin looked at the door way of the room, John lay on the floor covered in blood. _

Erin woke up with a start and starring at a white ceiling; things weren't so clear had she dreamed the last 24hrs, she heard shuffling in the corridor then leaped from her bed, Dean, John!

Erin pushed the button for the lift repeatedly, it wasn't coming fast enough, the doors opened and she raced in pushing floor 5 as fast as she could. The doors pinged open and Erin ran down the corridor. She was a few feet from John's room when "Erin" she stopped running and turned to see Sam behind her carrying a coffee mug, that worried, scared, drained look had gone from his face. "You feeling better? You passed out last night"

"Yeah I'm fine"

"Something to make you feel even better, Dean's awake, he's perfectly fine, no long term damage, it's some kind of miracle"

"What?" Erin asked her brow crinkled, Sam wasn't upset so maybe John was ok to. "Where's your Dad?" Erin said rushing off again

"With Dean talking why?"

"Sam you don't understand we've gotta get to your dad before…" Erin stopped mid sentence seeing John lying on the hospital room floor. "Oh god we're too late" Erin whispered falling to her knees next to John. Sam yelled for help.

Sam pulled Erin out of the room giving the doctors room to work on John, Sam, Dean and Erin watched on as the doctors tried to revive him. "Time of death, 10:41 am."

* * *

Please review, good or bad, but if its bad be constructive please.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Erin hit the bonnet of the beaten up Impala to get the attention of Dean who's legs were sticking out from underneath it "hey, hey" Dean said pulling himself from under the car "hasn't she been through enough" Erin laughed as he stood up and passed him the ice cold lemonade she had bought out to him "thanks"

Erin, Dean and Sam had been at Bobby's almost a week now, they had burnt John's body already and it didn't seem to have bothered Dean, Erin was worried about him but she knew asking him wouldn't make a difference, he had to do it in his own time.

"She's coming along nicely" Erin announced looking at the car, running her hand across the door frame.

"It's taking some time but I'm getting there" Dean told her after swallowing a mouthful of the cold liquid.

"Don't know what I'd do with out mine, I'd be lost"

"I can't believe you went and bought an Impala" Dean smiled at her leaning against the car.

She leant on the car beside him "I missed this old beauty" she said tapping his car "I missed the sound of her engine; other cars just didn't measure up. So I did the next best thing and bought my own"

Dean nodded in agreement, "once you've had Impala you never go back" Erin laughed as did Dean, a silence fell over them. Dean starred at the ground and Erin starred at the sky, neither one knowing what to say. Although there was a lot that needed to be said. "Erin, about the message I…"

Erin interrupted "Dean its fine, I didn't come here because of what you said I came here cause I knew you were in trouble and I wanted to help…nothing more, let's not make this in to something it's not"

"But I…"

"Hey guys" Sam said appearing form behind one of the many cars carrying his dad's journal. "I think I know where the demon might be" he announced

Dean laughed as he climbed back under the Impala. "You don't have a clue Sammy"

"Well at least I'm trying to do something about it since Dad died!" Sam replied angrily. He was sick of sitting around Bobby's waiting whilst Dean fixed his precious car, they weren't hunting anything, they weren't trying to find out why their Dad had died, they weren't trying to find the demon they were doing nothing!

Dean slid from under the car again and starred up at his younger brother "I haven't done anything cause we haven't got any leads and we've lost the only thing we know can kill the damn thing!"

"I managed to listen to a voicemail on one of Dad's old phones, its four months old from a woman called Ellen, she told him to stop being stubborn cause he knows she can help, maybe she knows something" Sam suggested, he was so hoping this would be what Dean needed to hear so they could start doing something instead of sitting around. "I got an address; it's a Roadhouse not far from here"

"I know Ellen and the roadhouse well, she took me in after Dean and John left me. Her husband and my dad use to hunt together. She'll be able to help, and if she can't Ash will"

"Fine, you wanna chase a dead end then we'll chase it, but don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out!"

Sam smiled; at least Dean was agreeing to go "the three of us can leave first thing in the morning"

"Make that the two of you" Erin sighed, they both shot a look at her "I got a new life to get back to… a life outside of hunting and I don't want to go back to that"

* * *

Erin starred across the bar at the bunch of blokes playing pool, she knew for a fact her and Dean could beat them, the old tricks they use to pull to get money, they were an easy target. "Thinking about hustling them?" Dean asked her

She laughed knowing he had been doing the same "to easy"

"So the old you is still in there somewhere, even with the new life?" Dean took a swig of his beer and wondered where Sam had got to; he had gone to the bar 5 minutes ago and hadn't returned with the drinks. If he had disappeared to give them 'some time alone' Dean would kill him, this whole last drink before she left was Sam's idea.

"Yeah I guess, I just keep her locked up"

"Keep who locked up?" Sam asked returning to the table carrying two beers and an Amaretto and coke for Erin.

"No one" Erin sighed smiling her thanks as she took her drink from Sam.

"So Erin, what does this new life of your's involve?" Sam smiled at her taking a seat next to her

"Oh you know, the usual, a job, a house, friends"

"What kind of job do you do after 4 years of hunting?" Dean inquired leaning his elbows on the table to get closer to her; he was interested what she was doing now.

"I run my own company"

"Really?" Sam asked "a business woman, what does your company do?"

"We arrange tours of the local areas…" she was wary to say the next bit knowing the brothers would give her a hard time for it "…ghost tours" Dean and Sam erupted in to a fit of laughter, as did Erin "its quick easy cash, plus I make it sound real!" Erin defended "people lap it up"

Dean and Sam contained their laughter "that's priceless" Sam sighed "I gotta come on one of your tours"

Erin slapped his arm "quit it, I'm good at my job, people come from all over to go on one of my tours and they pay like $300 a time!"

Dean looked at her shocked "really? $300, shit I'm in the wrong line of work"

They spent the remainder of the evening catching up and sharing war stories, reliving the old days, wondering what the future days held for them, and drinking a lot of beer. Dean decided he wanted to hustle some guys at pool so left Sam and Erin alone to talk.

Erin watched Dean playing pool and Sam watched her watching Dean "so what exactly happened between you two? I got the short version but what's the whole story?" he took a swig of his beer, almost missing his mouth, Erin laughed at him, he'd clearly had enough to drink "come on, don't look so shocked that I picked up on it, there is clearly tension between you still"

Erin sighed "to be honest I don't know what happened. We we're on a hunt, I got shot in the arm, ended up having to stay in hospital for a few days but we were hot on the trail of the demon so they couldn't wait around for me…he came in to my room told me he was in love me and that meant he couldn't be with me anymore…" Erin starred in to space reliving it in her head" …I deserved to be happy even if that meant I'd be happy without him, I deserved a normal life instead of demons and evil, and then he left town, didn't see him again till in the hospital…he called every week to see how things where, then it was once a month and then every few months…I guess hunting wasn't a place for a relationship"

"But you're here now" Sam slurred "…love deserves a second chance. Maybe you could try again"

"Try what again?" Dean asked returning to the table.

"A shot of tequila" Erin said quickly before Sam could respond "but I think we should head back and get some rest, I got a long day of driving tomorrow, we all have"

* * *

Dean and Erin helped Sam in to bed, who began snoring before his head hit the pillow "he's gonna be feeling that in the morning" Erin laughed closing the door quietly, Dean leant on the wall on the other side of the hall way starring at her "what?" she asked becoming self conscious "why are…" she was interrupted by Dean's forceful embrace on her pushing her up against the door, as his lips met hers.

She returned the kiss savouring the taste of beer and tequila, his scent hit her and she realised how much she had missed him, and how much she had wanted this to happen since the moment she had seen him again.

Dean felt her groan and it made him want her more, he had craved for her everyday since the day he left her, had dreamt about the feel of her lips, this was all he had wanted for so long, he felt her hands creep up his torso feeling his muscles and his scars, and then she didn't something he didn't expect, she pushed him away, he was so caught off guard that he hit the wall. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this Dean"

"Why not? I know you want to just as much as me"

"Yeah I do I really do but I can't…" she sighed and wiped the taste of him from her lips "…Dean I'm getting married two weeks tomorrow" he starred at her for what seemed like an eternity, his eyes burned in to her "I'm sorry I should have told you but you had so much going on" Dean looked away from her and walked down the stairs "No" she said following him quickly "you don't get to be mad at me, you left me remember what was I supposed to do? Sit around and hope you'd come back to me?"

Dean stopped and spun round to look at her as he reached the kitchen "so why'd you come here Erin? You got this great new life, a husband why'd you even come?"

"because I love you. nothing or no one will ever change that, Dean, you know that! you called me and left me a message telling me how much you love me, how much you wish you hadn't have left, you wish we'd had a normal life together, you were saying goodbye Dean! you were ready to die and you said goodbye in a voicemail! What choice did I have?"

Dean went to the fridge and took out a beer "yeah well I was scared I didn't mean any of it"

"Same old Dean. Haven't changed one bit huh, things don't go your way then it's all bullshit right?" Erin sighed and looked down at her feet "I'm not gonna apologise for doing what you asked me to do, Dean"

"So don't" Dean said before leaving the room.

* * *

Sam woke up to the smell of pancakes, bacon and waffles, he made his way slowly to the kitchen, his head hurt from all the beer the night before and even walking made his headache seem ten times worse than it already was.

Sam entered the kitchen to see Erin placing the last of the pancakes on the pile and then turning to place them on the table along with the bacon, waffles, coffee and orange juice that she had already laid out. Bobby was already busy eating his breakfast "smells great" Sam told her

Erin smiled at him "I thought you'd need a nice big breakfast to soak up all that tequila"

"Oh god" Sam pulled a disgusted face "please don't say that word in front of me" Erin laughed at him as Dean entered the kitchen. She stopped laughing and sat at the table and began to place some pancakes on her plate. "To bad you can't come with us…" Sam began not noticing the tension that had filled the room "I could get use to a breakfast like this every morning"

"She's got a life and a husband to get back to" Dean spat as he loaded his plate with bacon and waffles.

"You're married?" Sam asked surprised but happy for his friend

"Not yet, two weeks today I will be"

"Wow that's great congratulations. So who's the lucky guy?"

Dean chuckled and starred at Erin as he said "it's more of who's the unfortunate guy" Sam shot a look at Dean and then at Erin, she had a furious look on her face, Sam thought she was going to launch herself at Dean and kill him.

Erin refused to lower herself to Dean's level of pettiness if this was how he dealt with her getting married then that was his problem, not hers "I'm gonna take a shower" she said standing from the table "you guys can clear up" she called from the hall

"Jealous much?" Sam asked looking at this brother shaking his head

"Back off" Dean warned taking a bite of one of his waffles; damn he'd missed her cooking too.

"That was really out of order Dean. She's been nothing but good to this family and your being an ass!"

"I swear Sammy back off"

Sam thought about saying something else but thought better of it after seeing his brother's face. This was obviously a sore subject.

* * *

Sam knocked on Erin's door and waited for her to tell him to enter. She didn't respond, she probably thought it was Dean and didn't want to talk to him, he knocked again "Erin it's Sam"

"Come in" she called back.

Sam entered the room to see Erin sat in front of the mirror applying products to her wet hair. "I bought you some pancakes, thought you should eat since you cooked" he said placing the plate on the dresser in front of her

She smiled "thanks, but I don't have much of an appetite"

Sam sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her through the mirror "ignore Dean, he's just…"

Erin interrupted "right!" she sighed, put down the bottle of hair serum and turned to look at him "Dean's right Sam, I'm marrying a guy that knows nothing about me. He doesn't know about my past, he thinks I'm away with Jo finalising wedding plans!"

"That's not a bad thing" Sam assured her "you left this life behind Erin; he's not a part of it. You moved on, it's good that he doesn't know cause he's something away from all this shit" Erin sighed Sam was right, she had nothing to feel bad about, this life was her past, he was her future. "So come on tell me about him, what's his name? What does he do? Where did you meet him? What's he like?"

Erin smiled "his name's Justin, he's an accountant; I met him in a bar. And he's sweet, funny, kind… he's comfortable"

"Comfortable?"

"Don't make me say it Sam" she pleaded with him

"If you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with?" Sam asked in an indirect way. Sam knew a lot about Dean and Erin's relationship; he and Erin had exchanged e-mails and phone calls on a regular basis so he knew she was devastated about their break up. And it was clearly obvious they both had strong feelings for each other still.

Erin turned back to the mirror "Something like that"

"Erin, you're doing the right thing. Marrying Justin is the right thing for you, your out of this life and Dean isn't ready to give it up, it wouldn't be fair to drag you back in to it or ask him to leave it behind"

Tears ran down her face and she wiped them away Sam was right "I know, I just wish things were different"

Sam stood up and hugged her from behind "I'm gonna get some packing done, come say goodbye before you leave"

"Of course"

Sam walked to the bedroom door and walked out to see Dean leaning against the wall next to the door "how long you been there?"

"Long enough" Dean sighed before walking away.

* * *

Erin struggled to put the large suitcase in her trunk; she looked over to see Dean and Sam loading up the mini van that Bobby had borrowed to them, it was the only running vehicle he had. Dean clearly wasn't happy that he had to drive a Mini-van but he had promised Sam they'd go look for this Ellen woman and this was the only way they could do it.

Erin went back to the task at hand of lifting the suitcase that seemed had gotten

heavier in to her trunk, by the time she had finished and closed the boot Sam was

leaning against her car looking at her, "thanks for the help" she smiled sarcastically at

him

"Anytime" he smirked at her

"You Winchester boys are such gentlemen" Sam laughed at her as she walked to the side of the car to stand in front of him "so you all packed and ready to go?" Erin asked folding her arms across her chest as she starred over at Dean who had his head in the bonnet of the car making sure it wasn't going to die on them.

"Yeah" Sam sighed looking in the same direction at Dean "just checking the car over once more make sure we're not gonna get stranded"

"Don't call me if you do" she joked.

A silence fell over them, both of them knowing this was going to be the last time they saw each other for a long while "I gotta ask you something…" Sam began starring at Erin, she smiled inviting him to continue "…I don't want you to take it the wrong way but…" he took a deep breath, he had to think about this before the words left his lip "when you woke up you rushed to my dad said we've got to get to him before…before what?"

Erin panicked how was she supposed to explain this one? "When I was out I had a dream, a dream that was so real, I had a similar one before my dad died"

"Like my kind of dream? Like you know exactly how my dad died?"

"No not a physic dream, just a bad dream, I had a bad feeling"

Sam half smiled at her, he understood what she meant "thank you Erin, for everything" Sam said pulling her in to a hug "you've been amazing these past few weeks, I don't know what we would have done with out you and whether Dean will admit it or not, he needed you here"

Erin sniffed back tears "I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy spending time with you two. And you know I'm always here for you Sam, whatever you need" Sam held her a little tighter, knowing she meant every word, she'd done a lot for the Winchester family over the past few weeks, always putting them before herself, and both Sam and Dean knew she wouldn't think twice about helping them again.

"SAMMY LET'S GO" Dean called across the yard

"You'd better go, before he pops a blood vessel" Erin told Sam coming out of the hug

"Dean…" Sam bellowed

"Don't…" Erin interrupted knowing Sam was going to tell his brother to say goodbye to her "it's easier for him this way, for both of us…he can pretend like he hates me which he probably does right now and I can pretend like I never saw him" Sam shook his head at her and opened his mouth to protest "take care of yourself Sammy and your brother"

"You too" Sam told her hugging her again "and don't be so much of a stranger in future"

"You neither" she said watching him walk away towards his brother.

As Sam got closer he dropped to his knees and screamed out clearly in pain "Sammy" Dean said rushing to his side, Erin raced over to, "Sammy, are you ok? Sammy talk to me" Dean demanded helping his brother back on to his feet

"I just had a vision of you swallowing your pride and talking to her" Sam told his brother smiling, Erin laughed, Dean pushed Sam slightly and walked towards the car

"Dean" Erin called as he opened the Minivan door, he stopped but didn't turn around "I know you hate me right now but I'm here for you whatever you need, whenever you need it"

Erin waited for a response but Dean didn't turn around but didn't get in to the van either he sighed, looked at his feet and then said "let's go Sammy"

"Dean…" Sam began, Dean got in to the car and slammed the door, "say Hi to Jo and Ellen for me" she told Sam before walking away towards her own car.

* * *

Dean starred at the road ahead of him, he dared to look across at Sam, although he wasn't sure Sam was still breathing, if he was surely he would have started the lecture about Erin and the way Dean had treated her by now. They had been driving over 2 hours now and not a single word has escaped Sam's lips.

They had spoke briefly about Ellen and what she might know; Dean was sceptical that she knew anything let alone important information about the demon. Dean didn't hold much hope for anything right now, they'd lost the only thing that could kill the damn thing so what would they do if they did find it? But Sammy wanted answers and Dean wasn't going to stop him from doing that if that's what he truly wanted.

"God man" Dean said almost angrily "this is killing me, give it to me already" he sighed

"What?" Sam asked completely confused

"The lecture about Erin, she's good to you, good to this family, you're treating her like dirt, you know all the mushy sensitive guy feelings shit"

Sam shook his head "you already know everything I'd say and even if I said it I'd be wasting my time cause you'd ignore me. You know she's good to you, you know how hard it must have been for her to come here to see you" Dean rolled his eyes, so much for knowing everything he'd say "you know she loves you, and you know your being a stubborn bastard cause your pride got hurt cause she hasn't spent the last 3 years moping over your sorry ass when that's what you've been doing!"

Dean sighed loudly, reached forward and turned on the radio turning up the volume he looked at Sam and smiled. Sam took his attention from Dean and starred out of the window.

* * *

A/N: thanks for the reviews looking forward to more. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_**Two weeks later…**_

Erin looked at herself in the mirror, the dress was beautiful, long and flowing yet figure hugging in all the right places, it made her look amazing, her hair was pinned up, make up was flawless, shoes were comfortable, in just over 3 hours she would be married, Mrs Erin Michelle Hackett.

This should have been the most happiest day of her life, marrying the man she loved, confessing their undying love for one another in front of their friends and family, well his family as she didn't have family left, no blood relatives anyway. So why was the only thing she could think about Dean Winchester?

She hadn't even spoke to him in two weeks, she had exchanged a few e-mails with Sam to make sure they were both ok but not a single e-mail, phone call, text message had been exchanged with Dean yet she could think of nothing else.

She'd been distracted at work thinking about Dean, she'd come close a few times to calling Justin by his name, what a disaster that would have been. How would she have explained that to him? more than once she had picked up the phone and half dialled his number before changing her mind and hanging up, not knowing what she was going to say to him or why she was calling him at all?

Someone knocked on the door of her hotel room, Justin had insisted she get ready in a posh expensive hotel, the bridal suite. He would get ready at home, he had made sure Erin went to the hotel two days before to spend two days relaxing and having spa treatments. Erin obliged although she'd have been happier getting ready at home.

"Come in" Erin called plastering on a smile for her visitor; Jo entered the room in her maid of honour dress that was similar to Erin's only in a light peach colour not white, and didn't have a long train. The other two bridesmaids, Justin's nieces, wore a peach silk dress nothing fancy just a simple dress. "Aren't you a vision" Erin laughed knowing Jo hated being in a dress. Erin wasn't to happy about either she'd have preferred to have had a small wedding, a few close friends and family, no big ceremony or huge party after just an intimate day but Justin wanted a big church wedding, horse drawn carriages and white doves, thankfully Erin had managed to talk him out of any kind of animal at the wedding.

"A vision of dorkiness" Jo complained sitting down on the bed as Erin continued to access herself from different angles in the mirror.

Erin had missed Jo at one time they were inseparable when Erin worked and lived at the roadhouse. But once Erin moved away to get away from the life that had killed her family and reminded her to much of Dean they saw each other less and less, yet always found the time to talk on the phone. But Erin wasn't going to get married without Jo as her maid of honour or Ellen as guest, they were the only people Erin knew without Justin knowing them first.

"Yes your butt does look big in that" Jo told her smiling, yes Erin had missed Jo a lot.

"Stop it your splitting my side, pour me a drink, and make it a strong one"

Jo stood up and went to the mini-bar "you now there's nothing worse than a drunk bride"

Ignoring her Erin sat on the chair nearest to the mirror and waited for Jo to hand her the drink "thanks" Erin took a big long sip and pulled a face as the offending Jack Daniels whisky taste hit the back of her throat. How could Dean drink this shit? There she went again thinking about Dean-god damn-Winchester, today of all days. It clearly showed in her face that her mind was elsewhere as Jo asked her "what you thinking about?"

Erin sighed "you don't wanna know" she said standing up and walking to the window so Jo couldn't see her face.

"Dean Winchester then" Jo said standing up, Erin didn't respond "Erin I know the deal with you and Dean and after meeting him a couple weeks ago I understand the attraction, even though Sam's better" Jo's mind wondered off thinking about Sam as she stood behind Erin "but think about this…Dean hurt you, a lot, he left you in a hospital on your own, left you to fend for yourself, told you he loved you and then left. You see him again like 3 years later and he gets pissed at you for getting married"

"I know all that Jo but…" Erin took a deep breath and was about to explain how she didn't blame Dean for leaving her, that she understood that he was protecting her. Erin was never once angry at Dean for leaving her she was angry because she understood Dean had done the right thing, but her phone rang before she had chance to continue. Erin walked to the table on the other side of suite and picked her phone from the tale "it's Sam" she told Jo looking at the caller ID.

Jo shook her head "don't answer it"

"He's probably just calling to say good luck" Erin explained flipping the phone open and putting it to her ear "hey Sammy"

"Hey Erin, er…I need your help"

"What's wrong?"

"It's Dean…I don't want to talk about it over the phone can you come meet me? I'm in New Jersey"

"Is he ok? Is he hurt? In trouble?"

"He's ok at the moment I just need you to come here" Sam sighed

"Ok, ok, give me a couple hours I'm on my way" Erin said hanging up the phone and then rushing towards Jo and turning her back to her "unzip me" Erin told Jo hurriedly.

"What the hell's going on?"

"Sam needs me; something's going on with Dean I'm going to New Jersey"

"No" Jo told her "no, I'm not letting you do this, if you haven't forgotten you're getting married in less than 3 hours"

"Jo please just unzip me I know you don't approve of Dean but he needs me right now so does Sam he wouldn't have called otherwise now help me out of this damned dress"

Jo folded her arms and looked sternly at Erin, "fine I'll find your mom to help me" Erin said starting across the room to the door

"Yeah right like she'll help you to go see Dean on your wedding day" Erin ignored her and as she reached the door someone knocked it startling her, she opened the door to see Dean and Sam starring at her. "What the hell?" she asked widening the door for Dean and Sam to enter.

Jo saw Dean and Sam and decided this wasn't good, wasn't good at all, this was only going to end in disaster "oh this is just great" she sighed in frustration and sat on the edge of the bed.

"What's going on? Where's the fire?" Erin asked

Dean walked to the middle of the room and turned to look at her "you look amazing"

Erin blushed slightly and Sam asked Jo if she wanted to go and get a drink with him, it was obvious he was trying to get Jo to leave Dean and Erin alone. "No I'm good here thanks"

Knowing there was no way Sam was getting Jo to leave the room Erin asked "guys, what's going on?"

"I…we…" Dean began shuffling from one foot to the other clearly nervous

"Are you both ok?" she asked not noticing Dean's reaction to her question "what was the phone call about? Why did you ask me to go to Jersey when you're here?" Erin looked from Sam to Dean; Sam looked at Dean expecting him to answer the question

"I'm sorry if we worried you, it wasn't my idea" Sam told her taking a seat on the nearest chair

"Your idea to do what? What the hell is going on here?" Erin was getting frustrated neither of them were answering her questions, she wanted to know what was going on

"I didn't know how else to find out…" Dean began but changed his mind about what he was going to say "…I needed to know"

"If one of you doesn't give me a straight answer right now I'm gonna assume you've been body snatched and start shooting at your asses"

"You have a gun here? On your wedding day?" Sam asked her

"Answer. The. Question!" Erin demanded looking from Sam to Dean.

"Well we were driving around after killing a deal making demon and we're talking…" Sam waffled on for about 15 minutes and didn't seem to have any point. Erin stood in her dress staring at him wondering how the hell he hadn't come up for air and how he clearly hadn't thought about what he was saying

Interrupting Sam Dean urgently spat out, "DON'T GET MARRIED"

Erin's attention immediately shot from Sam to Dean; did he just say what she thought he had said? She knew something wasn't right with the Winchester brothers Sam was babbling nervously, Dean's mind was clearly somewhere other than in the room, they had made some random phone call to her about needing help and now Dean was telling her not to get married, definitely been body snatched.

"And that brings me to Dean growing some and coming here to tell you how he feels" Sam concluded

Dean sighed and said softly and quieter "don't get married, you don't wanna marry this guy"

"and how would you know" Jo asked standing up and walking a little closer to Dean "you left her remember, just took off, and now you show up after 3 years and suddenly she's supposed to drop everything for you? who…"

Interrupting her Erin called her name "stop please"

"No Erin, he can't just waltz back in here and expect…"

Interrupting Jo again Erin raised her voice "JO" Jo sat back on the bed and listened "explain" Erin said looking at Dean

"you've never wanted to get married, never! You always said it was a waste of time, what was the point in this huge expensive day to sign a piece of paper to say you love someone, if you needed to get married then you were trying to prove something, so what are you trying to prove? Prove that you love him? prove it to him or yourself?"

"hey" Jo said butting in again "your out of order"

Ignoring her Dean continued "you said it yourself, he's comfortable, you don't wanna marry comfortable, you want adventure, excitement, to be in love not just love someone" Erin looked at Sam guessing he had told his brother about the comfortable remark, Dean realised her train of thought and explained "I was standing outside the door, I heard you"

Erin was silent as she sat down on the chair at the dressing table, which still had the contents of her make up and hair products spread out across it "so you had all this time to tell me, today of all days when you could have done it weeks ago? you heard me that day and you waited till now to tell me? I don't even know what you're telling me"

"I'm telling you" Dean stopped and changed his wording "I'm asking you not to do this, don't marry him…" Dean paused "I'm asking you to come with me and Sam hunt with us…asking you to be with me"

"Too little to late Winchester" Jo announced

"shut up already Jo" Dean spat at her, Jo stood up and began to argue with Dean, telling him he was a fool to think Erin would even think about giving him a second chance, and he was a coward and an ass for ruining the best day of her life, Dean gave as good as he got and told Jo she was marrying Justin for the wrong reasons.

"ENOUGH" Sam bellowed above them "this is Erin's decision to make"

"Erin" Dean said quietly to get her attention from starring at the floor, Erin looked up at him "look me in the eyes and tell me you're in love with him, that this is what you want, a 9 to 5, a white picket fence, _**him**_and I'll walk away, you wont ever have to see me again, I'll be gone and you can pretend like this never happened"

Tears filled her eyes at the thought of never seeing him again "Jo, Sam can you give us a second?"

Jo threw her arms in air in frustration and she sighed loudly "you can't be serious. Erin think about this, something will happen and he'll just toss you aside like he did last time, you'll be…"

"Jo please" Erin pleaded with her

She shook her head "fine, I'll come back when the car arrives, to take you to the church, you know that place where you're getting married" Jo told her walking to the door and leaving with Sam.

The sounds of the door closing seemed to echo around the room endlessly, it was the only sound that filled the room for a long while. Dean was out of words and Erin couldn't find the rights ones, if she had any. She couldn't believe this was happening; she couldn't believe she was contemplating this. Running off in to the sunset with Dean, living happily ever after, it was never going to happen that way, it would be hard, brutal, frightening. Erin stood up and walked to the mini bar and poured herself another large Jack Daniels, after swallowing three quarters of the contents of the glass she asked Dean if he wanted one "I'd prefer an answer but sure" he told her taking a seat on the edge of the bed

"What do you want me to say Dean?" she asked softly keeping her back turned to him as she poured his drink "want me to tell you your right? I'm not in love with him and I don't really want to get married? I'm not going to lie to you Dean, I never have and I'm not about to start…" she turned and walked towards him giving him his drink "I do love Justin and I don't know… maybe if I didn't know you, if we hadn't have had what we did, maybe I'd be in love with him, maybe I'll fall in love with him in time…but what I do know is I can't take the chance of being with you again and losing you." Erin walked to the window and leant against it her back to Dean again; she couldn't handle saying this whilst looking in to his eyes. If she did, she would turn to mush the way she always did, the way many women did and she'd do whatever he asked. Erin couldn't and wouldn't do that right now, she had to be strong "Jo's right what happens if I get injured again, just when we're on the tail of the demon, and its to much of a risk to wait around for me to heal, I can't watch you walk out of my life again Dean…I don't think I could survive it"

Dean stood from the bed, he wasn't going to give up easily, he came here for her and he wouldn't leave without her, he couldn't "you won't have to" he assured her walking towards her slowly "Erin, I almost died, my dad's dead, there's something going on with Sam that I have no idea about, and I could be dead tomorrow and I don't wanna die without spending my life with you"

"But why now Dean? Why do you want me now? Cause your dad's not around to tell you what to do? Cause I'm marrying someone else and you can't stand the fact that I've moved on with my life? If you can't have me or don't want me then no one else can right?"

"no it's not like" Dean told her "my life is so messed up right now, everything is so confusing but the only thing that makes sense to me is being with you" what his father had told him before he died was weighing on his shoulders, he needed someone to help share the load, and he wanted it to be Erin. "Look I messed up, I know that. I should never have left you the first time, I know that but I wanna make it right" he stood behind her, he put his hands on her shoulders and ran them down the smooth skin of her arms. _God she feels good. _Maybe she was right the thought of another man touching her, being with her made his skin crawl made the hunter in him want to rip his throat out, if only the guy was a demon he could justify it.

Erin didn't move away from his touch, she closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip, why was he doing this to her? Why was he putting her in this situation? Why was he torturing her with his touch? Dean leaned forward and kissed her bare shoulders lightly, he couldn't help himself. "Please. Erin. Let. Me. Make. It. Right" he said between kisses as he moved up her neck to her ear.

"We shouldn't be doing this" she told him softly

"So stop me" he sighed nibbling on her ear lobe, knowing it was something that drove her completely nuts. He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her body in to him, he just wanted to feel her. He knew it was wrong, knew he was putting her in the wrong situation, it wasn't fair to her but he had to feel her. Wanted to feel her close to him. "I love you" he whispered against her ear.

"I love you to" she said almost inaudible she was too lost in the feeling his kisses were giving her. She turned her head to look at him, he starred in to her eyes for a minute and he knew she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. His lips found hers and before either of them realised the zip on her dress was down and she'd turned in his arms and was frantically undoing the belt on his jeans kissing one another as they stumbled across the room knocking things over.

Erin pushed Dean's leather jacket to the floor and pulled the t-shirt over his head, quickly parting lips. Dean pushed Erin's dress down her body, wanting nothing more than to get it off and fast. With the help of Erin the dress slid down her body and she stepped out of it whilst Dean stepped out of his jeans.

Dean starred at her body, taking in every curve, every imperfection, everything, her body was amazing, toned and tanned. He looked up and down her body and then met her eyes; Dean walked slowly towards her and took her head in his face gently kissing her again.

Dean's touch set her skin on fire, in a good way; she hungered for him even when she was close to him, and kissing him she wanted him more still. But she knew she was going to get exactly what she wanted.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed. There is more to come! And I sort of have a little direction as to where this is going. But it will only be a few more chapters long.

Please review.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 -**

Jo and Sam walked down the corridor away from the bridal suite. Jo was furious, Erin was being foolish, living her school girl crush all over again and Jo would be left to pick up the pieces, again. Dean was bad for her, she knew it, Erin knew it, for gods sake Dean knew it! Yet both Erin and Dean both persisted on being together.

It was true they were in love to the biggest degree but it would never and could never work between them, plus Justin was a great guy, treated Erin like a queen he didn't deserve this. "It's a bad idea to leave them two alone" Jo told Sam as they reached the elevator

"There both adults" Sam told her pressing the button for the lift. "And I don't get why your so against them?"

"I'm not against them" she sighed "I'm against the heart ache he brings her. you weren't the one picking up the pieces last time, I was and it was horrible to see her go through it, I wont see her go through it again"

"Their in love"

"He's in love when he feels like it and now he knows she'll be lost to him forever he wants her, he'll change his mind again in a week"

Sam shook his head "no he won't, your wrong. He's really in love with her; I've never seen him like this before."

* * *

Erin laid her head on Dean's bare chest, both of them were out of breath and breathing heavily "damn we're good at that" Dean sighed running a finger up and down her back.

"I love you" she told him turning her head to look at him to show the tears that were streaming down her face.

"I love you to" he replied leaning down to kiss her forehead. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Erin got out of the bed and Dean admired her naked ass as she walked to the end of the bed and picked up her knickers. Dean watched her walk to her dress that lay in a heap on the floor where she had stepped out of it and pull it up her body once again. "I love you Dean I really do but I can't do this. I can't be with you I'm sorry" Erin told him through tears.

"What?" Dean asked getting out of the bed "I don't understand, we just…"

"I know, I know" Erin sobbed harder. "I'm sorry Dean but I don't want the hunting life anymore, I want a house, kids, a dog you can't give me that. Justin can, Justin's a stable relationship and that's what I need, what I want…"

Dean had heard enough "so this was what? A goodbye? One last screw before you settle down?"

"I don't know, I don't know what it was" Erin slumped in to the chair by the dresser, sobbing, her body vibrating with the sobs, her dress still undone gaping at the front, her hair was messy and out of place, her make up was running down her cheeks "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry" she put her face in her hands and cried, hard. Dean dressed angrily mumbling about something she couldn't hear over her own cries.

Dean pulled on his t-shirt after fastening his belt and looked over at Erin, why was he angry? He had put her in this situation, he had started all of this, what did he expect? Did he really think she'd run off to hunt with him instead of having a normal, quiet, fun life with someone else? He walked slowly to her and knelt down in front of her.

Dean took her hands from her face and held them in his own "I'm sorry to" he spoke softly, and tears filled his own eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't try to make this right sooner"

"Maybe in another a life?"

"You can bet your ass on it" he stood up straight and wiped the tears from his eyes, it had been an emotional couple of weeks. "Now come on, you need to get ready and I need to find my ass a suit"

Erin stood up confused; Dean motioned for her to turn around so he could zip up her dress "what are you talking about?"

"You need someone to give you away right, can't have you walking down the isle alone"

Erin smiled at him, she had asked John to give her away, he was the next best thing to her own father. John had agreed and had even been for suit fittings. She walked to the large wardrobe and pulled out a smart black suit with a white shirt and tie "I asked your dad to give me away"

"Lucky we wear the same size" Dean told her taking the suit from her and going in to the bathroom.

Erin waited from him to close the door then rushed to her cell phone, she couldn't write the text message fast enough:

_Jo, need your help to get ready. Hurry back here. Dean is giving me away. X_

Erin stood in the middle of the room and surveyed it, the chair by the small table had been knocked over, Dean's jacket still lay in a clump on the floor, the glass she had been holding was on the floor and the whiskey had left a stain on the crème carpet, the bed sheets were all over the place.

How was she going to explain the messed up hair, the make up smeared down her face? The state of the room? Jo would know what had gone on straight away. What had happened? She had slept with her ex boyfriend, the guy she was still in love with, mere hours before she was to be married. What kind of a person did that? Tears threatened to fall again but she wouldn't let them she had to get focused she had to get ready to get married.

* * *

Dean stood over the sink water dripping from his face; he starred hard at himself in the mirror. What the hell was he thinking? _I'll give her away, yeah right, way to stick the knife in. asshole. _The whole situation was so messed up, but what could he do about it but accept it? He had tried to change her mind, tried to make her see he wouldn't hurt her again but it was no good, her mind was made up, she wanted stability, normal, Dean could give her neither.

Dean couldn't fathom that this was going to be the last time he touch her, felt her skin on his own, kissed her, he didn't want it to be. This wasn't fair. Why did he always have to make the sacrifices for other people? He stayed with his father when Sam ran off to college, he dumped Erin when his father asked him to for the sake of hunting the demon, he was sacrificing his happiness now by letting Erin marry another guy when he knew he could have her if he really fought for her but here he was being a pussy and _giving _her away.

* * *

Jo knocked on the door hurriedly as Erin finished making the bed; she walked to the door checking the room looked untouched; maybe it looked a little to tidy. Erin opened the door and Jo accessed her make up smeared face and shook her head, it was written all over her "I don't need to hear it" Erin assured her as Sam and Jo entered the room.

"Where is he?" Sam asked

"Getting ready in the bathroom"

"Oh he's gone shy all of a sudden huh?" Jo asked "being naked in front of you twice in one day to much?"

"What?" Sam asked walking to the bathroom door; obviously he hadn't figured it out.

"nothing, she's being sarcastic" Erin warned looking at Jo "please just help me do my make up" Jo shook her head and walked to the dressing table to Erin's make up.

* * *

Erin stood outside the closed church doors, Jo a few feet in front of her beside Sam, who had managed to buy a suit from the nearest clothes shop. Justin's two young nieces were in front of Jo and Sam holding their bouquet of flowers, Dean stood beside Erin, her arm entwined with his.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Erin asked Dean quietly

"Are you?" he asked looking at her pleading with her through his eyes "is this really what you want cause this is your last chance to walk away from this."

Erin sighed "Dean I…"

Dean interrupted "sorry…I just want you to be happy and if this is what it's going to take then so be it"

Erin smiled sweetly at him, she knew it was a load of bullshit and Dean knew she knew it, but neither said anything. "Thank you" she didn't mean thank you for being sweet or wanting her to be happy, or for even giving her away, she was thanking him for not making this harder for her when she knew he could if he wanted to.

The doors to the church opened and the wedding march began, this was it, time to get married.

They all began to walk down the isle, Sam kept messing up his steps but Jo put him back in to place whilst laughing at him.

Dean was surprisingly very good at the walk at such short notice "have you been practising this walk?" Erin asked him through a smile

"I've always imagined me standing down there watching you walk towards me" he spoke subtly as to not draw attention to them. "wearing a beautiful white dress, smiling that huge gorgeous smile…both of us happy knowing this was the first day of the rest of our lives together, just me and you forever…guess that ideas out the window" Erin kept the smile plastered on her face but it was hard to not break down and cry at Dean's words.

They reached Justin and Dean passed her arm from his own to Justin and then walked down a few rows of pews and took a seat at the end of a row. Sam followed and sat beside him as they watched the ceremony.

* * *

Dean didn't even get 15 minutes in to the ceremony before he had to leave. He had thought watching her get married would make him realise that whatever they had and could have had was gone, gone forever and he had no choice but to accept that fact but he felt like shit. The one person he had ever completely loved with every inch of his body, mind and soul.

It was too much for him, he had to get out of their before they recited their vows and it was made official, he had to leave. Sam followed quietly behind his brother, careful not to disturb the other guests.

Sam quietly closed the church doors and then looked around for his brother, Dean was leaning against the Impala, his arms folded, starring at the sky, a look of disappointment and anger etched all over his face.

Sam leant beside him "at least you tried dude, if we hadn't have come you'd have been asking yourself what if for the rest of your life"

"Maybe, but if we hadn't have come I wouldn't have felt like a complete asshole for ruining her wedding day"

"You didn't completely ruin it Dean, you gave her away, and she was made up about that"

"yeah but now she's gotta live with the fact of knowing she cheated the morning of her wedding" Dean explained opening the car door, he wanted to put some miles between himself and Erin "I put her in wrong position she'll never forgive me for that"

"You slept with her?" Sam asked astonished

"wake up college boy!" Dean told him closing the car door. Sam raced around the car to the passenger seat to ask what his brother was thinking to sleep with Erin today of all days?

* * *

**_6 weeks later…_**

Dean walked cautiously in to the Roadhouse, he hadn't seen Jo or Ellen since Mr H. H. Holmes had taken Jo hostage and tried to kill her, it was understandable that Ellen was angry and after finding out what had happened to her father Jo wasn't in the best of moods with the Winchester brothers either. So Dean was a little paranoid, if not worried, that Jo and Ellen were luring the brothers to the Roadhouse to kill them.

Ellen had called Dean a little over 5 hours ago she had asked that he and Sam go immediately to the Roadhouse she had a job for them, something they would want to take. She didn't want to discuss it over the phone.

"Dean there isn't a trap waiting to chop off your head" Sam told his brother following him in to the roadhouse "stop being so stupid"

"I'm being careful, who would blame either of them for wanting us dead?" Dean whispered.

"Ellen, Jo" Sam called not seeing them in the bar

"Yeah right, scream at the angry women who know how to use a gun! Real smart college boy" Sam laughed at his fearful brother, the infamous ladies man, Dean Winchester, scared of Jo and Ellen, it was hilarious.

Jo raced towards them from the further end of the bar, Ellen was close behind, a look of worry and fear on both their faces clear as glass. "Have you heard from her?" Jo spat out quickly.

"Who?" Sam asked stopping his tracks knowing instantly something was seriously wrong

"Erin" Jo said frustrated as if the answer was so obvious and Sam was just being dumb to annoy her.

"What's going on? What's happened to Erin?" Dean asked losing his fear of Ellen and Jo but finding a new fear for Erin.

"This is your fault…"Jo began angrily "if you'd have just left her alone, kept it in your pants…"

"JO" Ellen shouted to quieten her daughter "this isn't the time!" Jo shook her head and sat down on the nearest bar stool to her, Ellen began to explain "Erin didn't marry Justin, she lasted about ten minutes after you left. She took off, we've had a couple calls from her just to say she's ok and she needs some time away, wouldn't tell us where she is…" Ellen sighed "she called last night to say she was going to see Justin, she owed him an explanation…just before I called you Ash got a lead on your yellow eyed demon tracker thing, its in the town Erin lives with Justin" Ellen explained, Dean didn't need to hear anymore, he turned on his heels and ran out of the bar to his car, Sam, Jo and Ellen followed.

"We've tried calling her but we're not getting any answer, we've left messages, tried the house phone nothing" Jo explained watching Dean open the door to the Impala.

"We're already 5 hours behind you should have been on your way by now" Dean said trying to hide his anger and fear.

"Its less than two hours away Dean, we'll make it" Ellen told him opening her car door

"And if we're already to late?" Jo asked, Dean starred at her before getting in to the car, it wasn't worth thinking about.

* * *

"Nothing" Sam sighed flipping his phone down for the hundredth time

"She didn't answer the first million times so I'm real surprised she didn't answer the millionth and one time!"

"You know she's going to be fine, she's probably just talking with Justin and she doesn't want to be interrupted" Sam tried to assure his brother but Sam knew Dean wouldn't be anywhere near to ok until he saw Erin with his own to eyes. "They'll have a lot to talk about"

"Jo's right, if I'd just left her alone, just let her get married, she'd be on her honeymoon right now, sunning it up in Mexico"

"This isn't your fault Dean, don't do this"

ignoring his brother Dean continued "she'd be having lazy days, late nights, sun, sea, sand, if only I'd listened to you Sammy, she'd be in Mexico perfectly fine… if Ash is right and the demon's there we both know what we're going to find"

* * *

Ellen had taken over Dean to lead the way as they got closer to Erin's house, Dean knew the town she lived in but not where her actual house was. As they got to the house Dean noticed Erin's deep purple Impala parked on the drive way, the house looked normal, no sign of violence or demon activity, maybe they were all going to pile on to the porch and make complete idiots of themselves when they all fumbled over their words as to why they had all shown up.

Dean stopped the car on the street behind Ellen's and they all slowly exited their cars. "Looks normal" Ellen announced

"don't judge a book by its cover" Sam told her as himself and Dean went to the trunk to get weapons, it didn't look like they would need them but it was better to not need them and have them then need them and not have them.

Dean led the way to the front porch and as he stepped up he immediately noticed the door stood slightly ajar, something was wrong.

Dean stepped over the threshold cautiously the gun out in front of him sweeping it left from right covering the hall way that accommodated the stairs and had two doors leading off from it, one in to the living room and the other to the kitchen, Sam crouched lower than him covering his brother from anything he might not have seen "ERIN" Dean called out, nothing, silence answered him. Nothing seemed out of place; no furniture was knocked over, no sign of a struggle. "Erin" Dean called again

Ellen and Jo entered the house, Dean motioned for them to go to the other ground floor rooms as he began to climb the stairs Sam following close behind.

Dean didn't like this one bit, the door was open, Erin was to security conscious even being out of the hunting business he knew she took extra precautions just because she was done hunting the supernatural didn't mean the supernatural were done hunting her, so she wouldn't leave the door open, not unless something was wrong.

Dean slowly walked up the stairs the gun out in front of him watching for anything that might need shooting "Erin" Dean said softly not expecting to get an answer _come on Erin, answer me please. _He begged silently. "Erin" Dean called a little quieter this time, still not expecting an answer but felt better for calling her name. he climbed slowly up the stairs, figuring out what door would lead to what room, _come on Erin, please just answer, give me a little sign your in here. _Dean pleaded.

Sam followed his brother, not being able to imagine what was going through his head, he didn't want Dean to go through what he had with Jess, Sam had hardly survived it, Dean was strong but he was different when it came to Erin. Sam wasn't sure what Dean would do if she was… no it didn't bare thinking about.

Dean reached the top of the stairs and instantly noticed the door to the room at the end of the hall had its door open; Dean could see a double bed the sheets ruffled up. He wasn't worried that he would catch Erin and Justin having sex, he knew if that was the case Erin would have replied to his calls but she hadn't.

Dean went straight to the open door ignoring the closed ones, he rushed in to the room and before Sam could follow he saw Dean lower his gun and put it in the back of his jeans, he'd found Erin.

* * *

Author Note: Hi all sorry it has taken a while to update but been working on this and making sure i really like it before i post it.

please review

thanks

SJ


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Dean fell to his knees at Erin's side, she was sat on the end of the bed crying, holding a half empty bottle of vodka. "Erin, shit" he sighed putting his hand on her back; he wanted to make sure she was real "are you ok? Are you hurt?" Erin sobbed, couldn't keep her breath long enough to talk, her cries took her breath again and she couldn't talk. Dean heard Sam call Ellen and Jo upstairs, and then heard their footsteps rushing up the stairs. "Erin you need to tell me what happened"

Erin looked a Dean as if she was only just noticing he was in the room "I was to late…he called me said he wanted to talk…I got here and he was gone, he's gone, the demon's got him"

"How do you know it was the demon?" Dean asked he was worried about her, she'd been drinking, god knows how long she had been in the house, sitting alone, thinking about all of the things that could have happened to Justin, and she sounded really sure that it was the demon.

"there's sulphur all over the house, there's blood on the back door, and he left me this" Erin picked up something from off the bed and handed it to Dean, a single unused bullet, a bullet from the colt.

"Erin, how do you know the demon has the colt?" Dean inquired, he wasn't sure whether to be angry, confused or hurt, he was all three. He needed answers, needed to get some sense out of her but she was to drunk right now, she needed to sleep it off.

* * *

Sam woke to find Dean looking out of the window to their motel room, watching the storm clouds roll in, they matched his mood. Sam looked over at the clock, the neon numbers read 4:05 AM. Dean clearly hadn't been to sleep; his bed had barely been touched. "You ok man?" Sam inquired.

"What if she meant what she said Sam? What if she helped Dad summon the demon? What if Dad made a deal with the demon to save me? What if she's part of the reason he's dead and I'm here?"

"HEY" Sam shouted, he didn't like his brother thinking that way let alone talking about it "we don't know any of that's true, we don't know Dad died to save you Dean, we don't know anything"

"AH BULL SHIT SAMMY!" Dean bellowed turning to look at him "YOU WERE THERE, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, I WAS DEAD, THE DOCTORS SAID I WAS AS GOOD AS GONE AND IF I DID WAKE UP I'D BE BRAIN DEAD. SUDDENLY I'M FINE, NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH ME, LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AND THEN DAD DROPS DOWN DEAD, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A COINCIDENCE AND WE BOTH KNOW THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A MIRACLE SO HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN IT?"

Sam didn't shout back, he knew Dean needed to get if off his chest, needed to let it out and if shouting at him was his way of doing it then Sam would take it "I can't explain it Dean, but don't go jumping to conclusions you have no proof of"

"Us burning Dad's body is proof enough" Dean said walking from the window to his bed. Dean sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hands over his face, he sighed loudly and Sam could see this was eating at him.

"All we can do is ask Erin what she knows, if she knows anything? It could just have been drunken talk"

"Erin isn't the kind of girl to say something she doesn't mean Sammy; she never has been, if she said it it's true"

"Ok so we'll get all the info out of her when she's sober. Until then try and get some sleep"

Sam was right, he could do nothing about it now, he would have to wait till Erin was sober enough to get coherent answers out of, and right now she wasn't he'd wait until bright and early in the morning.

Dean just hoped he was wrong and Erin had just been drunk talking, blaming herself for things she couldn't control.

* * *

Dean left the motel room at 6:24, he couldn't sleep and he wasn't sure how Sam could after Erin's confession. Dean's plan was to get breakfast for everyone take it to the girl's room and get some answers.

After firing up the Impala Dean sped out of the motel parking lot, he hoped that the car's engine would have woke the occupations of his room and the girls room, it would be better for everyone to be fully awake when he returned otherwise he'd get impatient waiting for people to wake up properly before he could ask his questions.

"_Erin, how do you know the demon has the colt?" Dean inquired, he wasn't sure whether to be angry, confused or hurt, he was all three. He needed answers, needed to get some sense out of her but she was to drunk right now, she needed to sleep it off. _

_Erin sat on the edge of the bed letting Dean hug her, she'd been sobbing and shaking uncontrollably from the moment he put his hand on her shoulder, she had shown him the bullet and explained about the blood on the back door and the traces of sulphur she'd found all over the house. She was now in the process of saying what everyone was thinking about Justin's situation. She hadn't answered Dean's question of how she knew the demon had the cult and Dean knew not to push the subject right now, although he really wanted to. _

"_this is all my fault, if I'd just had married him... but now two people are dead because of me and the damn fucking demon, first your dad and now Justin" Erin sobbed "when will it stop Dean? When can I have my life back?"_

_Dean took a deep breath and thought about his next words carefully "Erin I know you're upset right now but what do you mean the demon killed my dad?"_

_Erin slowed her sobs and looked Dean in the eyes, he knew he wasn't going to like this "what do you think Dean? Don't act like you weren't thinking it? Your dying one minute and perfectly fine the next, you're a smart guy, you figured it out a long time ago" Erin was angry with Dean, she partly blamed him for Justin's 'disappearance' she didn't mean for her words to come out the way they did but subconsciously she wanted him to suffer the way she was. _

"_Ok that's enough" Ellen announced walking to the bed to help Erin stand. _

All Ellen had to do was give him 5 more minutes and he'd have known everything he needed to but no, Ellen had to jump in there. It didn't matter now anyway he'd get his answers in an hour or so, whether Ellen liked it or not.

* * *

Sam was woken by a crash of thunder closely followed by a huge bolt of lightening, he shot up in his bed thinking someone or something was trying to break down to the door. Sam noticed Dean sat at the table eating a bagel and drinking a starbucks coffee, there was a mug of coffee for Sam to "it's probably cold" Dean informed him

"How long you been up?" Sam asked wiping the sleep from his eyes as he climbed out of bed and walked towards the table.

"Long enough" Dean told him not looking up from his newspaper. "The storm's supposed to last a while, advised people to stay in doors with the hail and everything"

Sam sighed before taking a sip of his warm coffee, he knew his brother was itching to get to the girls room and ask Erin what she had meant the night before. "Dean you can't just storm in there and accuse her of…"

"OF WHAT SAMMY? OF KILLING OUR DAD?"

"YEAH, DEAN! LIKE IT OR NOT SHE'S DONE NOTHING BUT HELP THIS FAMILY…"

Dean interrupted "THERE AIN'T MUCH OF THIS FAMILY LEFT TO HELP"

"AND YOU HAVEN'T EXACTLY MADE IT EASY FOR HER, SO WE CAN LET HER HAVE ONE PASS"

"A PASS FOR KILLING OUR FATHER?"

"STOP SAYING THAT! We don't know what happened"

"Well get dressed and we'll go find out!"

"Your not gonna go in there and just lay in to her, Dean, she doesn't deserve or need it and I wont let you do it to her"

"Get dressed Sammy" Dean demanded, he was sick of sitting around guessing what could have happened when the answer was just next door.

* * *

Erin sat on the edge of the bed with a mug of coffee that Ellen had given her; she hadn't swallowed her first sip before Jo asked her what had happened the previous night. Erin swallowed the coffee, sighed and ignored the question "did I really tell Dean and Sam I got their father killed?" Erin asked putting the mug of coffee on the floor.

"Yeah you did" Ellen said picking up some clothes that Jo had thrown over a chair before her shower.

"Ah shit" Erin lay back on the bed and put her hands to her face. She began to sob, this was all too much, "that damn fucking demon has taken everything from me, my mom, my sister, my dad, John, Dean, Justin. I only just got Dean back in my life and now I'm gonna lose him again, fuck knows what's happened to Justin…" Jo and Ellen couldn't make out the rest of her words her sobs had taken over.

Jo sat on the end of the bed and put her hand on her knee not knowing how else to help her. Someone knocked on the motel door and everyone knew it must have been Sam and Dean; Erin sat up slowly on the bed once she had nodded in Ellen's direction to tell her it was ok to let them in.

Sam and Dean entered the motel room quickly to get out of the storm, both noticing Erin's tear stained face, Sam smiled sweetly at her as she looked from Dean before he made eye contact with her. "how's your head?" Sam asked taking a seat at the table

"Its fine" Erin told him half smiling, thanking him for bothering to ask.

"Always could hold her liquor" Dean told his brother "use to drink me under the table" Dean's rambling continued to a memory of being out with Erin back in the day, she was drinking with him, matching him drink for drink and at the end of the night she was the one making him walk up right back to the motel.

Erin couldn't take it anymore, was he trying to make her feel even more guilty than she already did? "cut the crap, Dean" Erin told him "just ask me whatever it is you wanna know"

"I just wanna know the truth" Dean said

Erin took a deep breath and stared in to space, she was reliving it all over again in her head "you were dying, docs gave you less than 24 hours and we didn't have any ideas of how to save you, Sam came to us with his Ouija board idea but it was gonna take time and that's the only thing we didn't have… your dad had some idea about trading with the demon, the colt for your life" Erin looked at Dean, who looked away "I knew it wasn't going to be that simple and I tried to make him think of something else but we didn't have time, so I helped him summon the damn thing… it showed up and they talked for a while, the demon knew something that could bring you back, perfectly healthy but the colt wasn't enough it wanted your Dad to…"

"AND YOU DIDN'T STOP HIM?" Dean shouted at her, Ellen sat at the table by the window, Jo leant against the bathroom frame and Sam stood in the middle of the room watching and listening.

"I tried"

"CLEARLY NOT HARD ENOUGH"

"THE DEMON KNOCKED ME OUT" Erin stood up, not willing to take this sitting down, if he wanted to fight she would fight "I WOKE UP AND IT WAS TO LATE! I TRIED TALKING YOUR DAD OUT OF IT, TOLD HIM WE COULD FIND ANOTHER WAY BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? I WASN'T PREPARED TO SIT AND WATCH YOU DIE"

"BUT YOU WERE HAPPY FOR MY DAD TO DIE?" Dean raised his voice above the boom of thunder that seemed to shake the room.

"your dad asked me if I wanted to watch him and Sam lose you or Sam and you lose him, call me selfish, call me a heartless bitch, I don't give a shit. I wanted you alive, Dean, I needed you alive, the demon took everything from me and I didn't want to lose you to it to, I made decisions and I got what I wanted I won't apologise for the fact that you're standing in front of me right now!" Erin sighed and ran her hands over her face "lets not forget who dragged me back in to all this shit, you called me Dean"

"believe me I'm regretting that more and more by the second." Dean spat at her angrily

"Dean" Sam shot a look at him, he was out of order, and he had already told his brother he wouldn't let him lay in to her, it wasn't fair and he knew Dean would regret saying anything he didn't mean to her. Dean was the kind of guy to say something in the heat of the moment and regret it the moment it left his lips, Erin and Dean had been through to much to fall out over something being said in the midst of a fight.

"Have you got nothing to say about this?" Dean inquired looking at this brother; Sam shook his head, no. "WHAT? HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS?"

Sam didn't shout, shouting wouldn't solve anything, it may have made Dean feel better but taking out his hurt, frustration and mourning on Erin wouldn't make Sam feel better "cause I would have done the same, if I'd of had a choice with Jess I'd have chosen her life over my own"

"But not Dad's right"

"Oh so you'd be alright with this if I'd have given my life instead of John?" Erin raised her voice but didn't shout she didn't want a shouting match with him again.

"I'm not saying that…" Dean sighed

"Come on Dean, what choice did they have?" Sam asked "Erin's of no use to the demon, he had the chance to take a major hunter why would he pass that up for her?"

"They had a choice Sammy, they were both to selfish to take it" Dean walked to the motel window and watched the rain pound the pavement, it was so hard and heavy Dean thought it was going to break the concrete.

Erin fought back tears for what felt the millionth time in a matter of minutes "You mean we could have let you die don't you? I don't except a thank you Dean and I know I'm not gonna get one but I'm not gonna apologise either" Erin sat on the bed nearest to her "your dad made a decision Dean, I tried to talk him out of it but… he didn't die _**because**_ of you, he died _**for**_ you…there's no one to blame for this we're in this business and every action has a consequence we pay for what we do in the hardest, most painful way possible" Erin began to cry "I'm not sorry for what happened Dean, I'm not sorry for the fact that we're having this fight right now, I can't be if I was it would've killed me by now, I'm paying for what happened. That demon's taken everything from me. Everything I ever loved has been ripped away from me by that, that _**thing**_but the one thing that keeps me going is you…" Dean turned from the window to look at her; she looked up at him instead of at her feet "to know that you're still around keeps me going I'd have given up a long time ago if I didn't have the simple thought of you being in this world."

This was his perfect opportunity to tell her he was sorry for shouting, he didn't blame her he was just angry and he wanted, needed someone to be angry at instead of his father. Dean didn't speak he turned back to the window, Sam spoke "Erin we don't blame you for any of this, like you said we dragged you back in to all of this, if Dean hadn't have called you I would have, you were put in a bad situation with no easy way out and for that I'm sorry"

"Please don't apologise to me Sam" Erin begged, the room fell silent for a while, everyone seemed to be lost in their own thoughts. Erin stood up "I need to get out of here" Erin announced walking to the motel door.

"It's raining" Ellen reminded her

"That's the least of my worries right now" Erin closed the motel door after stepping out. The storm was the last thing on her mind she didn't care one bit about it, she was going to her house collecting some things, getting in to her car and driving far away from here.

* * *

Walking in the pouring rain, Erin cried, the rain hid her tears so the few people that rushed passed her to get somewhere out of the rain didn't pay any attention to her.

How did she get in to this mess? Dean hated her, couldn't even bring himself to look at her, Justin was missing, _oh god Justin_, she had almost forgotten about him. What was she going to tell Justin's parents? His brothers and sisters? She was their least favourite person right now already she didn't need to be the one to give them the bad news she was sure they would shoot the messenger.

What was she going to say to them? Justin has disappeared there's blood on the back door and some yellow eyed demon has taken him oh and by the way the yellow eyed demon killed my entire family? Should she call the police, report him as a missing person? Erin felt so guilty already for sleeping with Dean behind his back, and now he had gone missing because of the demon that wanted to hurt her.

How was she going to fix all this? How could she put her wrong's right? What was she going to do with her life now?

Lightening lit up the sky and a huge crash of thunder followed it rumbling the earth as if shouting at her for thinking about herself when Dean and Sam were grieving for their father and Justin had been taken by the demon. She wanted the sky to take her, take her now, she didn't deserve to be in this world, she had hurt everyone she loved or helped them die. She fell to her knees in the street, crying.

* * *

Author Note: Hi All

Again sorry it has taken so long for me to update but lots going on right now so finding it hard to get this written up and to a standard to post.

Please review.

Also please note my e-mail has changed!

Thanks

SJ


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Dean watched Erin slowly walk away from the motel in the pouring rain, he didn't blame her for not sticking around, he had dragged her back in to all this, if anyone was to blame it was him for bringing her back in to a world she didn't want to be in anymore. He had called her and he didn't regret it like he had said, he was glad she was there, he needed her around, she could help him grieve, having her around made him feel better. He wanted her around.

Erin had helped John summon the yellow eyed demon, but it wasn't like she held a gun to his head, and Dean believed her when she said she had tried to talk him out of it but when John wanted to do something he would do it.

"We need to find out what happened to Justin" Ellen announced

"Yeah" Sam sighed, he wasn't worried about Justin now he was worried about Erin. Sam didn't like the thought of Erin wondering around town where the demon had been mere hours ago, alone and upset. She needed someone watching over her, even if she didn't know they were watching over her.

Jo wanted to hit Dean, really hard in the face, she couldn't believe the way he was acting with Erin, she had had to make some hard decisions because of him, she had lost Justin because of him and he just let her walk out of the motel like she was nothing, she ignored the urge to hit him and made a suggestion "Ash can probably help" Ellen, Jo and Sam began to discuss there next plan of action, Sam knew Ellen and Jo would want to help because it was Erin.

Dean didn't contribute to the conversation he starred out of the window for a while and then with out saying a word left the motel room, Sam heard him fire up the Impala and guessed he was going to find Erin.

* * *

Erin woke up staring at an en-suite bathroom door, the room she was in a beautifully decorated, black and white, clean, fresh, and alive! She turned over in the bed she was lying in to find a sleeping Dean beside her.

She sat up in the bed and looked around the room, she noticed pictures of herself and Dean, smiling, in different locations, by a tree, in a swimming pool, on a beach, she looked at the cabinet beside the bed on Dean's side, a lamp and a single photo occupied the space, the photo showed Erin in a wedding dress stood beside Dean in a wonderful black and white tuxedo, both of them smiling ear to ear, John and Sam stood beside Dean, smiling to, Jo and Ellen beside Erin, looking directly in to the camera, happy. Erin lifted her left hand to her face and admired the large diamond, princess cut ring that was on her ring finger; she smiled broadly.

"You starring at that thing again?" Dean's voice startled her. She looked down and smiled at him, she didn't know what to say, she didn't understand what was going on? But didn't care either, she was with Dean, happy, what more did she need? "Anyone would think we got married yesterday, not a month ago" he smiled from ear to ear.

Erin slid down the bed again so she was lying down "I feel like I haven't seen you for years"

"Well if last night is how you say you missed me, I'll go away for a while" he smiled at her, putting his arm around her as she snuggled her back in to him. "I love you Erin Winchester"

"I love you to Dean Winchester" she told him rolling over to face him and kiss him.

Dean kissed down her neck stopping as he reached her breast bone "we can't, we gotta get ready to see college boy graduate, Dad will be here soon to catch a ride"

Erin smiled "John?"

"Yeah, how many fathers do I have?" Dean laughed; Erin slapped his arm for mocking her "last one in the shower does the back scrubbing" Dean told her racing out of the bed to the bathroom.

* * *

Erin looked around the table, looking at all the people she loved, Ellen, Jo, Sam, John, Dean, Bobby, Jess, everyone was so happy. Sam and Jess had just graduated and announced they would be marrying the following year; John was shaking Sam's hand happy for his youngest son. Dean stood from his chair "if we're making announcements…" he began, Erin looked up at him knowing what he was going to say, but not sure how she knew that she knew what he was going to say. Dean's face erupted in to a smile, his face brightened up, sheer excitement sparkled in his eyes "…me and Mrs Winchester here…" he looked down at her and smiled, Erin could have stayed in that moment for eternity, until the sun exploded "… are having a baby" everyone said congratulations and hugged Dean and Erin, then they sat down to eat their celebration meal. Life couldn't have been better.

* * *

After the main course, Erin excused herself to the bathroom, she stood by the sink washing her hands, smiling at herself in the mirror, life was perfect. The door to the toilets opened and a guy entered, locked the door behind him and leant against it, Erin watched him through the mirror and sighed once he turned and revealed he was the care taker from the hospital with yellow eyes. "Should have known this was all to good to be true"

"Your not a dumb girl now are you Erin?" he smiled "a few hours ago you were walking down the street, in the pouring rain and now suddenly your in this little fantasy."

Erin turned from the sink and leant against it, letting her wet hands drip on the floor, whatever was going on wasn't going to end well. "Is this the part where you offer me a deal? My life for Justin's right?"

"Not so much of a deal…" he began walking away from the door "…more of a decision to make…you see John left out the fact that if you help to summon me then I can invade your dreams as and when I please. But I can also make you dream what I want you to, make you see everything you want to see, tempt you if you will…"

"All you need is long finger nails and a stripy jumper then you got the full package"

He ignored her comment and continued walking up and down in front of the cubicles "…tempt you to stay in your dreams forever, make them as real as life. So your decision is this. you can stay in this fantasy land where everyone's happy, alive, you and Dean are together, the past didn't happen, after you got injured Dean gave up the hunt and made a life with you, you'll live happily ever after with the whole Winchester family…"

"What's the catch?"

"Just a small detail, you and Dean have to die, in the real world" his eyes flashed with excitement

"And you'd just love that, get your hands on Sam, without Dean standing in your way?" Erin asked angrily, she knew some how that he wasn't there to hurt her, well not physically, she wasn't afraid of him, not at the moment so she had the courage to say the things she was saying.

"if I happen to benefit so be it…its either that or you can go back to the normal world, where you'll wake up bruised and battered from being hit by a car but Justin has to die"

Erin stared at him for a minute, she knew the demon had taken Justin there was no doubt about it, but was she positive that Justin was still even alive? Even if she saved Justin's life he'd never be the same again, not after seeing what he had seen, he wasn't the sort of person that could handle such a thing "let me get this straight, I can stay here but me and Dean have to die, giving you free access to Sam, or I can go back to reality but Justin dies?"

"Exactly" he sounded like a snake, evil, excited at the idea of someone's death, it was sick. Erin began to cry, she couldn't do this, she couldn't choose who was to live and who was to die, it wasn't fair that the decision came down to her again. "Come on, time's valuable, Dean or Justin? Decision time! Chose one" he began to shout at her to make a decision, Justin or Dean, it was simple, or so he told her. She cried and fell to the floor, she couldn't do it, she couldn't choose.

* * *

"It's a bit of a coincidence that the demons in town and suddenly she gets hit by a car" Jo speculated sat in a chair in the hospital room "she's been unconscious for 2 days now, it can't be a good sign"

"She's gonna be fine" Dean spat. He was standing beside Erin's bed, holding her hand. "You heard the doctors; she's fine she just needs to wake up"

"And if she doesn't?" Sam inquired

"SHE WILL!" Dean bellowed

* * *

Dean and Justin appeared either side of the demon and began to plead with her for their lives, each telling her how much they loved her "please Erin, let me live, I love you, we can get married, have a life together, please" Justin begged her

"think of the people that will die if you let me die, the people I've saved from evil, all the times we shared on the road, the fun we had, you love me Erin not him" Dean reminded her. The voices got louder and more urgent, she couldn't take it anymore.

"DEAN, DEAN, I CHOOSE DEAN…I want Dean to live" she sobbed. "why me? I'm nothing special? I don't have powers like Sam or any of the other children? I'm just me, a plain boring human"

"You've got something special in you, you just don't know it yet, you'll bring the world to its knees someday" with that the demon disappeared.

* * *

Erin could hear Dean, Jo, Ellen and Sam talking amongst themselves about her condition, assuring themselves she would recover soon and be fine. She didn't want to open her eyes, if she did it meant Justin was dead, it meant her dream was real and simply by opening her eyes Justin would be dead. Erin heard Ellen and Jo telling Dean to go to the motel and get some sleep but Dean refused to leave the hospital without Erin. "Get me a doctor" Erin groaned, she opened her eyes and saw all of them rush to her bedside.

"Are you ok?" Ellen asked

"I need a doctor, please" Jo left her side to find a doctor for Erin

"Are you in pain?" Dean asked her taking her hand in his

"No I just need to see a doctor" Jo returned with a doctor and Erin asked everyone except Dean to leave the room. They left the room reluctantly and then Erin thought about explaining what the demon had told her and what she now suspected was true but she decided against telling Dean in front of the doctor as he would certainly think she was crazy. "I need a pregnancy test" Erin told the doctor.

* * *

Dean followed the doctor as he exited Erin's room, he closed the door quietly behind him, he sighed and looked up at Sam who was looming over him expecting an explanation as to what was going on "me and Erin need some time alone, you might as well go to the motel get some rest" he told Sam, looking around Sam and at Ellen he spoke again softly, distantly "can you go to her house, get her some clothes and stuff. But I'll call you when it's ok to bring them back"

"Dean, what's going on?" Sam asked knowing his brother wasn't going to give him the information willingly.

Dean looked shell shocked, like he didn't know what to do with himself, like his mind was racing and he couldn't slow it down "She's pregnant"

"What?" Ellen asked moving forward to stand closer to Dean

"She er…her and… I can't explain it right now, please just do what I asked, we need sometime to talk. I'll call when…when" Dean sighed "when I understand what the hell is going on" Dean turned his back to them and entered the room closing the door once again.

* * *

Jo sat on the bed in her and her mother's motel room flicking the TV channels, trying to find something to watch. Ellen was out collecting clothes for Erin and food. Finding nothing of interest to watch, Jo decided to watch something she enjoyed watching, Sam. out the corner of her eye she starred at him as he researched something on his Laptop. They hadn't been in the motel room 15 minutes before Sam received the text on his cell and shot straight to his laptop and jumped in to research mode.

Jo couldn't see the screen to the laptop but knew it was something important from the look of pure concentration and dedication that was all over his face. Jo began to wonder about Sam, her mind wondered off to thoughts about him, his life, his look, his personality. "You ok Sam?" she blurted out without even realising the words were going to leave her lips

He stopped researching and looked at her as if he had forgotten she was even in the room. "Er…yeah…sorry I'm being rude" he said motioning towards the laptop.

"no, no. obviously something's important…I was just…with everything that's been going on with Dean and Erin it's kinda like you've been pushed to the back, I mean you lost your father to and we all seem to be ignoring that right now."

Sam looked away again and at the laptop "I'm fine…I'm just worried about Erin and Dean right now…my problems can wait"

"I know what you're going through Sam, I lost my father to and if you need me I'm here, anytime" she smiled as he looked at her again

"thanks, it's just… it's hard you know, we didn't really get along and the last few times I saw him we didn't do much expect fight and I feel…" the motel door opening cut Sam short and he turned back to his laptop as Ellen entered carrying bags and food.

* * *

After explaining everything about her 'dream' to Dean, leaving out the part where she chose that Justin would die. Erin waited for a reaction, but he just starred in to space, he looked like he was going to cry, then as if he was going to punch something, then sad again. "I know it sounds crazy, or a long shot but it was so real Dean, everything was so real…the way your skin felt against mine, the happiness I felt being with you, all of it was just so real. You made an announcement at dinner that I was pregnant and I knew what you were going to say, then the demon tells me there's something special in me."

"And you wake up and your pregnant" finishing her sentence Dean spoke for the first time.

"We know it's not a coincidence" Erin took a deep breath, this was the hard part "I know this is a lot to take in right now but there's more…" he looked at her not believing there could be more to all of this, but he encouraged her to continue "it's yours. Me and Justin decided three months before the wedding we weren't going to sleep together, to make it more special on the night and we stuck to it. There's no way this baby is Justin's Dean." the thought of Justin made her cry, she'd been holding back tears the whole time and she couldn't hold them in any longer.

* * *

Sam's research had turned up nothing; he wasn't even sure what he was looking for. Erin had given him few details in the text message, just to look for a baby born to be evil. To help the demon with the fight, a fight they weren't even sure of yet.

Sam was worried Dean had told him Erin was pregnant and now she was asking for him to research a baby born of evil. It couldn't be a good sign. Ellen and Jo had spent their time worrying and speculating waiting for Dean to call to say they could go back to the hospital.

Sam decided to take a break from his research in to nothing, it was useless he didn't have the resources; he needed Bobby's books and Ash's help. As Sam stood from chair his cell phone rang, Ellen and Jo shot a look at him as he answered it quickly "hello…Erin calm down I can't understand you…ok, ok we'll be right there don't panic, we're on our way!" Sam hung up the phone and quickly picked his jacket up from the back of his chair "Dean's taken off somewhere, Erin's in a right state" Jo and Ellen didn't need to hear anymore they were already walking towards the motel door.

* * *

Sam, Ellen & Jo had piled in to Erin's room and as soon as she had seen them she had started to cry again, she had explained the best she could about her dream and her being pregnant through tears and she guessed that they understood what they needed to "Dean just took off, said he couldn't handle it and left" Erin took a deep breath "you need to find him Sam, don't bring him back here if he doesn't want to just make sure he's ok and not doing something reckless"

"Dean can wait" Sam told her "are you ok?"

"I'm ok, please Sam just go and find Dean"

"Ok" Sam sighed "I'll call you when I find him" Sam slowly left the hospital room and Erin knew, somehow she knew that Sam wouldn't be back and neither would Dean.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry this has taken so long to post again, I think I have an idea of where I'm taking this now but any ideas are still welcome.

Review, good or bad.

Thanks

SJ


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